I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize