You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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