do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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