you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
