You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
