ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
