If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
