FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
