Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
