I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
