There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
