So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
