I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
my liver is dry heaving
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
