I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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