I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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