Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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