I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize