Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
