I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
