I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
