Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
