he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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