you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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