hell yes lets make some ravioli
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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