he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize