Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Two words: nipple clamps
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