Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
