What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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