I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
