i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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