God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
