Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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