fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
