Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
