Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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