So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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