I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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