He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
