Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
