So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
