Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
