ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
