Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Couch. On fire.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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