I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
