Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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