the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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