These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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