so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
