You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
