i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
