so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
