just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
