Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
