I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
