I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
