I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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