I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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