Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the raccoons are back...
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