You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
