a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
