I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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