i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
