I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
