News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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