I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
